Disclaimer: I never would have said what I did last post if this was not anonymous. Don’t worry, I’m not the type to announce who’s home when on Facebook or anything. But anyone who knows me on this blog, knows who’s home and I want them to in case anything happened or seemed amiss. That, and I have access to many guns and I’m a fabulous shot with a rifle.

Years ago we had a Great Dane, Lab, Coonhound mix. We used to joke about someone breaking in and him showing the burglars the fine china before licking them to death. However, when our neighbor (whom he loved) came up behind my mom while she was gardening one time, unbeknownst to her, our gentle giant tore across the yard snarling and barking and ready to protect his mama with his life.

Great Danes, Labs, and Coonhounds are known as gentle breeds, loyal, and friendly. But that loyalty means that threats are not tolerated. We understood that our ferocious giant puppy would protect us if there was a real threat, like the meter man or the mailman. Until that threat, he was content to roll over and drool and be pet.

Enter Georgia.

See, when the hound died, Dad said no more dogs. Our house would settle and creak in a pattern that actually, truly, 100% sounded like someone walking through our house. With a dog, we could blame the noise on him or at least trust that if there really was someone, he would tell us. Without him, we felt vulnerable.

Finally, Dad relented and we got a puppy. Yep, our neurotic Georgia.

Last night I learned she’s useless. Actually, I already knew that, but this incident confirmed it.

I let her outside at 11. Pitch black outside, and we don’t have a light on that side of the house. About 2 minutes later, she starts growling and barking and snarling ferociously. So, naturally, I grab a knife and try for the life of me to see what she’s barking at. I can only assume it was the pack of coons that’s been climbing on our roof and trees at night. She’s done this before. Eventually we both calmed down, I put the butcher knife away, and we both went upstairs for bed, where she then curled up in my room like she was afraid. Great.

So, I brush my teeth, do my normal routine. Then the coons jumped on the roof or knocked something over so it actually sounded like they were coming in. She did nothing.

Finally, I get in bed, lights off, reading something on my phone before sleep and she does a different bark. This one is short, usually comes in 2s or 3s and is used because someone is home. Usually. It was kinda terrifying because I hadn’t heard a thing. So I go into the hall, and she’s halfway down the stairs, looking up at me, tail wagging in her way of trying to get me to follow her. So, she hears someone trying to get in (or something like it) and tries to get me to follow her down to meet them.

Uh, no.

That, or she just decided she wanted to go outside. Again.

Either way, my heartbeat was up. Needless to say, I didn’t fall asleep for quite awhile. Also, I’m quite tired today.

Today as I got home from church, she didn’t even notice I was home while I struggled with the lock and key and nob because my hands were full. I had to call her. Twice. And she came up to me all excited and happy and cuddly. I think I woke her from a nap.

Anyone want a dog?